“The Truth About ‘Switched at Birth’ You Didn’t Know

Did I Root for the Wrong Side?

If every good parent always put their child first, then every decision made in this one of a kind story would have centered on what was best for Kimberly Mays, the little girl at the center of all of this. Bob Mays tried to make it go away. The Twiggs wouldn't let him. Think about this. If your baby was stolen from you and later you miraculously find her, and you start a legal battle to fight to know your child, could you honestly walk away and move on after knowing the anguish that the fight was causing your child? Because that's exactly what the Twiggs couldn't do. And I've spent 30 years rooting for the same side in this story, 30 years, convinced I knew exactly who the "villain" was. However, one TV special made me wonder if I had it completely wrong.

Welcome to Wholesome TV Picks

Welcome to Wholesome TV Picks. The only podcast where every recommendation is backed by 35 years of watching wholesome TV, so you never waste another night on the wrong pick. Let's dive in.

Today's wholesome family pick is "Switched At Birth", not to be confused with the ABC TV series. This was a once in a lifetime NBC TV movie mini-series event that spanned over two days and was a total of four hours with commercials. Without commercials, it's right at about the three hour mark. This movie is based on the unbelievable true story of Kimberly Mays and Arlena Twigg. Two babies who were switched at birth as infants in Wauchula, Florida at Hardee Memorial Hospital back in December, 1978.

Both families suffer tremendous tragedies that ultimately is the catalyst that launches the Twiggs to begin their search for their biological daughter. They hire a lawyer who then finds Kimberly Mays, who they suspect is their biological daughter and becomes a nationwide story that is covered all over the place on TV, newspapers, and even reaches international news as well.

A Cast Full of Familiar Faces

This amazing story is brought to life by a terrific cast who bring all these characters to life. A lot of these cast members will be familiar faces if you've watched any of the shows I've recommended. We have Bonnie Bedelia, Brian Kerwin, John Jackson, Eve Gordon, Judith Hoag, and a very young Ariana Richards, who graced the big screen on "Jurassic Park" as Lex. As I'm watching this with my daughter, I'm pointing out all these different actors and telling her, "Hey, he was on 'Cold Case'. She's on 'The Torkelsons'. He did an episode of 'MacGyver'. Oh, and she was on 'Army Wives'." My daughter cracked me up and said, "Wow, who needs IMDB when you've got mom?!" I almost didn't record this episode because in my husband's opinion. He said it was probably best not to do this episode for one specific reason, and I'll let you know what that reason is later on.

Standing Up When the World Says Don't

What would you do if every neighbor, tabloid, and stranger in the grocery store told your family to just let it go and move on? The Twiggs' answer to that question is what this whole episode is all about. You gotta give the Twiggs credit. Despite the harassment, their kids being bullied, the strain on the family emotionally and financially, they continued to press on.

A good example of how their children learn to stand up for themselves as well is perfectly shown in a scene where Regina and her oldest daughter Irisa are at the grocery store. When Regina walks away, Irisa overhears the cashier badmouthing her whole family to the bagger. Without fear, Irisa stands up for herself and says, "Don't you have anything better to do than to talk about people you don't even know?" Wow. Would you have spoken up like that? The way she handles it, calm, direct. She doesn't yell or throw insults. I think if something like that were to be said today. I don't know. I think a physical altercation may have been sparked and caught on camera somewhere and posted on social media. What do you think? As they're walking out, her mom tells her, "Good girl, you stood up for yourself." That's exactly what I want my own kids to learn.

"I Hate You": Kimberly's Raw Pain

There's another poignant moment that shows exactly the turmoil that this whole fiasco is causing. It's a moment where Kimberly draws in her journal at school and her dad shares it with the press. The media prints it on the front page of the paper with a picture of Kimberly on the right and the headline, "Kimberly to Twiggs, I HATE YOU!" in big, bold letters. How much more evidence do you really have to see to know that this is causing so much pain to the child? To Kimberly, the Twiggs were the villain. It's being stuck between a rock and a hard place. It really is.

Who's Really the Selfish One?

And this is where I think most people who critique this movie think that the parents are selfish. As one IMDB reviewer stated: "This is a perfect movie about selfish adults that basically ruin a kid." But who's being selfish? Is it fair to be so quick to judge either as selfish in this case? And unless you're in the situation, I think it's really hard to judge the way Bob Mays or the Twiggs behaved during this whole situation. It's complicated!

Who is Right and Who is Wrong?

There's a mediation scene between Bob Mays and his girlfriend Darlena, and the Twiggs that just captures the entire impossible situation in about 60 seconds. There's a lot of anger on both sides, and they say things that are understandable, yet unnecessary. You know, when we let anger take control of our words. Nobody wins, and that's exactly what makes it so difficult to know who's right and who's wrong.

Bob's Unspoken Fear

You can see how complicated this gets. Think about it from Bob's side for a second. Every time the Twiggs got a little closer, there had to be this voice in the back of his mind. "What if she likes them better? What if she stops needing me?" He never says it out loud, but you can see it and you can feel it.

Personally, as someone who is adopted, I didn't go through those kinds of things. My parents never expressed those kinds of fears with me, but I think deep down, based on their reactions, when I found my birth mother, I kind of got that feeling that those were the things that they were afraid of.

The Secret I've Been Holding Back

The movie ends with Kim, Bob, and Regina begin walking towards the camera and the frame freezes. Then a little message appears on the screen that reads, "Kimberly continues to live with Bob and Darlena Mays. Her visitations with the Twiggs remain unresolved. No evidence has been uncovered to explain how the two newborns were switched in December, 1978." That's what kept people talking about this story for decades after it happened. And it took almost 30 years of waiting for new information that possibly explained why the switch happened and how it happened. Lucky for you, you don't have to wait 30 years for the answer.

As I stated earlier in the episode, my husband advised me to not do this episode. This is why, you can't watch this movie anywhere! I am so frustrated that out of everything you can find on the internet, you can't find this movie! Every time people have tried uploading it to YouTube, it gets flagged and immediately taken down. A couple of people on IMDB commented that they have it and are willing to sell it. I think somebody has their own website for it. If I can find it somewhere, I will leave a link in the show notes for it. But if you don't find a link for it, that's why. However, I am not leaving you high and dry.

There's More to This Story

"20/20" did an episode called "Switched or Stolen" and has so much information about the Mays and the Twiggs that you couldn't possibly fit everything in this miniseries. Honestly, for a really deep dive into this story, the "20/20" special might actually be the better watch. Oh, it's hard for me to say that because I love this movie so much. But you get the real families, investigators, journalists, people who spent years on this case, all giving you just enough information to form your own opinion, and it's free on YouTube.

Thirty years later, I still find myself wondering, when Kimberly looks back on all of this, what does she feel? Gratitude? Resentment? Peace? You'll have to check out the links in the extended show notes on my website at wholesometvpicks.com to find out.

The Detail That Changed Everything

Here's what I came away from this special. All these years, I sided with Bob Mays more than the Twiggs. As a kid, I saw the Twiggs as evil villains being mean. As a parent, I see both sides of the story, and it's just an unwinnable situation either way.

But the "20/20" special revealed one detail, one thing I had never heard in the 30 years of following this story, and it stopped me cold, made me pause and rewind to hear it again, and question everything I thought I knew about who the real villain was in this story. I can't tell you what it is. Watch it and then go to my website, wholesometvpicks.com/speak, and tell me if you know what changed my opinion.

What This Story Opens Up

Whether you're a parent, someone who was adopted like myself or just someone who's ever been caught between two people you love, this story is going to make you examine the way you judge situations and others in your life. And if you watch it with your kids, it may even open up conversations about loyalty, family, identity, and what it actually looks like to stand up for yourself when the stakes are high.

Help Shape the Show

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Sneak Peek Next Week

Next week we're kicking off our wholesome TV series, and I'm returning to a classic that has been on my mind for the last couple of months. This time we're going deeper and I'm breaking down the most powerful stories by theme. Stories that will make you rethink what your family watches together. Stories that have saved real lives. If you think you already know this show. Stay tuned. You won't wanna miss it.

Thanks for listening. Have a great rest of your week and remember your values matter and your TV should too. I'll catch you next week.